you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
