I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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