There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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