There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
