i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
