she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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