eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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