I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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