Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
being pregnant is like rehab
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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