I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
