this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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