Who wears a wallet chain?!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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