Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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