hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
