There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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