my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
