So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize