That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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