Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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