Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
