I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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