He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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