Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
