Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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