My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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