I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
