Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
