yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
