I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
