I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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