it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
