You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
