Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
