We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
