Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
