Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
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Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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