i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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