One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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