i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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