she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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