Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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