his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
