Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
