Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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