I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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