you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Vodka?
Forever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
