I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
