How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
