Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
50% drunk capacity currently
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
