I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
