i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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