You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
