Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
