Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
