this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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