is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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