he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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