Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
