too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
