She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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