i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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