I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
