Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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