Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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